How to spend money properly – the Liberal Party way

With the government announcing $50 billion to be spent on 12 submarines, in addition to the $24 billion for redundant jet fighters, I went back and found a comment I had made on AIMN back in September 2015… *

Educating people only leads to them asking questions and we can’t have people questioning government motives – they should just accept that our political masters are the experts and they know what’s best for us.

And lifting people out of poverty isn’t a desirable goal because the only way a functioning economy works is to have an underclass so desperate for money they are prepared to do all the menial jobs for just a few bucks an hour.

This also has the benefit of making our business more profitable, as we all know profitable business men don’t take their money and buy themselves bigger houses, flashier cars and boats, send their kids to more expensive private schools, take longer extravagant holidays, pay more expensive accountants to cleverly structure their finances to avoid tax or donate money to political parties in return for favours – no, they altruistically use that money to employ more desperate people, who welcome the opportunity to work insecure, casual jobs at unsociable hours without any of those uneconomic penalty rates.

And health – why would we squander our hard-earned tax money on worthless sick or disabled people whose genetic material probably should be removed the gene pool anyway.?

If they want world-class health cover, they should get off their shonky, disabled arses, get a proper job and pay enormous premiums to a private health industry that is nothing but a giant money-making exercise and adds zero value to health outcomes, nor does anything to constrain costs.

No, good health cover is best left for those with the means to afford it, so they can get back to work more quickly and accumulate even more money.

Don’t get me started on welfare – those evil, sponging single mothers who have 6 worthless houso kids 8 different fathers and live a lavish and extravagant lifestyle blowing the welfare on pointless things like nutritious food, when their children are only ever going to grow-up to be low-life criminals.

I notice all those dole-bludgers can afford internet and iPhones, which they don’t need while they are sitting around watching daytime soaps, pulling cones, taking ices, surfing and eating chips, instead of getting out and applying for 40 jobs a week.

There are plenty of jobs out there – if only they’d get off their lazy arses and get proper, important jobs like being property developers or running high-speed trades on the futures exchange.

And don’t forget the illegal Muslim boat people who come here and are just given houses and welfare payments 4 times more than those given to pensioners. The buggers won’t work, they have 4 wives and 22 children and they go around wearing burqas, robbing banks, bombing the place, creating fear, putting up mosques on every street corner, forcing their terrorist-funding Hahal food down our throats, refusing to assimilate, and undermining our good Christian values of racism, bigotry, intolerance and xenophobia.

How are we supposed to fund important things like the School Chaplains program, teaching creationism, superstitions and stone age old belief systems, subsidising wealthy private or religious schools and offering religious organisations tax-free status; if we keep sending billions of dollars to overseas countries?

Why should blow our tax dollars also fund the lifestyle of black people, just because they happened to be living here for 60,000 years (which as everyone knows is bullshit because according to the Bible, the world is 5,000 years old).

We are propping-up these people who want to live in the bush and sit around sniffing petrol, drinking and belting their missus and proclaiming some connection to our land? I mean they never even had a proper civilisation anyway and they should thank us for coming here and taking their worthless land off them and saving their kids by removing them from their families and putting them with white people to civilise and teach them good Christian values (see above).

Seriously – the climate and environment doesn’t need our help. Weather has been around almost forever and it changes all the time – I mean it’s bloody cold here today, so all the stories about global warming are crap – everyone knows it’s a giant conspiracy by the extremists greenies and all the world’s scientists to push their socialist agenda and send us back to the dark ages and impose a UN take-over where they can force vaccinate everyone with chemtrails.

Besides if those greenies were so serious about the climate, why are they driving cars, using computers and planes? They should be walking everywhere and surviving on their vego-organic food that costs us all 10 times the price of normal Aussie food like Thai, KFC and Pizza Hut.

And why would we bother saving the environment when it’s just useless bush that gets made into national parks or marine sanctuaries, in which you can’t even go fishing, shooting or driving your 4WD any more? Besides, I never go there and if the ocean rises – my air-conditioned 5 bedroom, 6 bathroom mcmansion with media room is on a hill and my 2 Holden HSV’s, boat and the wife’s Beemer will all be safe.

Don’t you know about the prevailing ideology of trickle-down economics? It works exceptionally well, particularly if you’re one of those doing the trickling onto everyone else, like mining billionaires, CEOs or mega corporations.

By accumulating such vast sums of money they are effectively keeping it safe from governments (who as everyone knows – can’t be trusted) because they would only want to squander it on unnecessary things like science, technology, education, health, welfare and infrastructure to win votes. No, it’s far better to have that money held by the wealthy because you have to be smart to be rich, so when they use than money and influence to dictate government policy, you know those ideas are coming from some pretty smart people.

Clever people who know how to use tax havens and realise we can’t afford to splurge our money on extravagant things like the NBN (just so the unemployed can download movies faster and post nasty messages about the government on social media/digital graffiti) or on public transport that is only ever used by chardonnay-swilling, latte-sipping, inner-city, trendy extremists who only watch the biased ABC, which also should be sold off and replaced with the very moderate and eminently sensible Murdoch Fox news.

As proud Aussies, who fought and died repeatedly to have been born into a land of such wealth, resources and freedom, at the safest, most progressive time in human history, it is vital we use every means possible to defend our lifestyle – and the best way we can do that is to buy effing big boats and expensively fast planes from the US military machine, which can then deploy to stop anyone coming here on boats and fight wars in foreign countries, generally in oil-rich desert countries on the other side of the globe, where we can happily watch on our 70 inch LED screens, cheering on our brave military men as they bomb the shit out of innocent people, and send their country back into the dark ages and forcing them to flee, overwhelming neighbouring countries – all in the name of defending our freedom against those sicko gays who want to undermine the sanctity of marriage and pervert our children with their progressive, Atheist beliefs, science evolutionary rubbish, and build those unsightly wind-turbines that make people sick hundreds of kilometres away, instead of taking the tried and tested path of publicly funding private rail lines and port developments and massively subsidising the digging-up coal or fracking for gas and selling it for a profit to dumb foreigners – a practice that has served us well for decades and will do so for at least several more centuries.

It’s also vital that we recognise the criticality of our pollies and pay them accordingly – to attract the best performers that are going to stimulate our economy through revolutionary ideas like free trade and privatisaton of inefficient income-producing public assets. It is crucial we should fully support them in their difficult jobs by making sure they have access to overseas study tours, flights, helicopters, cars, accommodation, rental assistance for their spouse’s properties and meals, while they do their important job of shaking hands, taking photos in high-vis gear and sucking the cocks of the captains of industry, while designing new 3-word slogans and perpetual election campaigns, which aren’t cheap to run, you know.

Oh yeah. We need the government to be very careful about our tax money – to spend it wisely and not just squander it.

    *   Please note this entire post is sarcasm


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